CHAPTER 12: Aimee...I still don't want to talk.

FEBRUARY 1, 1999


I still don't want to talk. Not really anyway. But I did a lot of thinking today. It was actually more soul searching than anything when I was at Lincoln Tower I was standing by the railing and on my left side was the Horseshoe and to the right was the O.S.U. hospital. ..That hospital that saved my grandpa. It was really sad, empty feeling and I had never felt so alone as I did then. Part of me just wanted to tell someone anything but it is not that simple. Honestly Aimee, I cry every day. Most of the time 90% of the time it's actually tears, the other percent is just my emotional state of mind that's crying. I felt something today and it didn't make any sense to me. When I asked you if you wrote Jill that letter my brain told me, "Oh God I hope she didn't" but then you told me you didn't and my heart sank. It didn't make any sense. But for once I felt a glimmer of hope. 

But Why? I don't know. I don't get it. Why all of a sudden is there someone I can relate to? Someone that I see myself in? At one point I thought me and my sister were feeling the same thing but I think our experiences are just the same. But then again I'm wrong. Maybe I just don't see her enough. 

I know you and I have the same sort of connection. Kind Of. But it's still different. I don't know why. Maybe it's because you know what triggered your mood swings and depression. I know you think it can be "cured" so to speak, but I swear I've tried it all. I just don't know where to go from here.


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