CHAPTER 10: Aimee...I have so much anger...If it wasn't for this journal I would probably rip her head off.


January 25, 1999

I have a lot to respond to but first I have to vent. Right now I'm so pissed I could  explode.  If anyone says one more thing about my computer they'll regret the day they said it. All I can say is I'lll use it when I want to use it. I fucking paid for it. Damn Marie is so fucking ungrateful I could scream. 

I have so much anger in my right now. If it wasn't for this journal I would probably rip her head off. 

There is so much bothering me. This whole thing Jill has me so shaken up. I'm glad that things are better with our friendship. I am honestly making every effort I can to keep it that way. It is impossible to explain how I'm feeling and I honestly don't want to. I think ganger and depression and being semi happy is the worst mix. If that makes any sense at all.

I have to tell you that I have also been thinking about what you said in your last letter. About Breast Cancer. That scares me and I know it scares you too. I hope you know you can talk to me. I'm a really good listener.

Aimee, I hate this feeling right now. I am so shaken I honestly don't know what is wrong  and I wish I could figure it out but my mind is so jumbled with bullshit nothing makes any sense.

Actually, you know what if I don't want to think about anything anymore. I'm sorry for rambling. Half the time I don't know what I'm saying anyway.





Hi Aimee,

I'm sorry I wan't in a very good mood today. It really wasn't the best of days. I just felt so sad today and really nervous. If you don't want to read this I understand, it just helps some time to write about it.

Jill asked me today if I felt like I was falling. At first I had no idea what she meant but it hit me. I doo feel like I'm falling. It's the best way to describe it. I feel like I'm falling because when you fall you can't stop it. 

Aimee, I have never talked about this stuff. That is until I moved to Columbus. Maybe that's one of the reasons I moved here. I'm really not sure. Please let me know if you are tired of hearing about this. If so I will stop.


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